Lessons and Best Memories

I am officially back in the U.S., but my three month Southeast Asia Adventure is not over. One of the lessons I learned during my trip is that no moment can be relived or repeated and so I began to record everything as best as I could, into my memory. For the first time in my life, I learned how to embrace and appreciate every single moment. I continue to be overwhelmed by the beautiful sights, sounds and smells that I experienced throughout my trip. I am grateful for the amount of love and support I received from my friends and family while I lived my dream of traveling. This is my official last entry on this blog. I want to thank everyone who traveled with me in spirit. I have included two final memories from Bangkok and India. Enjoy...

Bangkok
Sundays in Bangkok where the best ever. Somehow it worked out that every Sunday Carla and company - whether it was me, Liza or Shirley (pronounced Chirrrleee), who often slept over after a fun Saturday night out - went out for a market run and came back with delicious fresh fruit for shakes, eggs, fried chicken, mango sticky rice and whatever else we picked up along the way. Carla was often the chef, while Shirley served as sous chef and I cleaned the apartment. Sunday brunch was almost always followed by sun bathing and a late night movie. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? The best part is that this was my life for nearly three months. It was during one of these precious Sundays, while Carla and Shirley chatted in the kitchen and I set the table, that I realized neither of us could ever relive that precise moment. What we shared on Sundays in Carla's little apartment was absolutely magical. I carry these memories in my heart. Thank you Carli!

India
I have learned that in my life, I live extremes. I have been consciously working to find my middle, my balance and I feel really good about the work I have done to get there. The fourteen kilometer walk in India is an example of living extremes. For the past five years I have been considering running a half marathon. Instead, I walk a half marathon in India, barefoot. I guess my rock climbing experience in Rai Lay is similar to the 14K walk (see "Climbing Rocks, Conquering Fears"). The 14K walk was around Arunachala, a mountain in Tiruvannamalai, South India. The walk around Arunachala is a pilgrimage performed to practice discipline, to gain enlightenment and to purify the mind. I accepted the inviation without really understanding the purpose of the walk. I was completely open to all of the activities we engaged in, but during the first hour, the walk suddenly became an intense burden.

I began to ask for guidance and as I did so, a renunciant rode his bike towards me, looked me in the eye, held his hand to his heart and said to me, "Om Arunachula, many blessings to you." He said this in his language and thankfully my friend Peter was able to translate. The beggar encouraged me to keep going. He was the answer to my prayer and I knew that I was not alone. Suddenly, it was so clear and so obvious to me. Each pebble that pierced my feet and each sting of pain represented the small sufferings, small angers and small fears that I chose to carry with me for 30 years. I decided that was not how I wanted to live my life and during my walk around Arunachala, I slowly began to release 30 years of crap. There is no other way of saying it. On that day, I experienced the meaning of letting go, and it was an amazing feeling. Thank you Arunachala.

Garlic Bread or German Girl?

During our view point trek in Railay, Julissa and I met an Italian traveler named...I forget his name at the moment, but he's the funny part of this story.

Julissa and I had heard about a hidden beach and we were on a mission to find it. The Italian knew how to find the beach and told us how to get there. We thanked him for the information and as we said our good-byes he decided to join us. Mind you, he didn't ask, he just kinda came along. He was nice. His accent was hilarious and it was very entertaining listening to him speak English. He was tall and lanky with a big head, but not too bad looking. When we found the beach, we all swam together and then laid out on the sand. While we were sitting on the beach, I asked him to share a crazy story from his travel adventures. He had been traveling for nearly four years and I figured there had to be a good story for him to share. He proceeds to tell us about a time when he was hitch hiking through Australia and was picked up by a German girl. The German girl lived and worked on a farm and offered him a place to stay in the barn where they stored the farm equipment. The Italian boy found the barn to be very uncomfortable and he thought to himself, "I can go and sleep with the German girl." He found his way into the house through the kitchen. Once there he realized that he was also very hungry. He had no money and having been busy hitch hiking, he hadn't eaten all day. He decided that he would see what there was to eat and then pay a visit to the German girl. In the refrigerator, he found a large loaf of garlic bread and thought to himself, "Garlic bread or German girl?" That's what the Italian boy said to us with a big smile and chuckle as if to say "get it?" It took a minute for us to react. We were waiting for the exciting part of the story. In fact, Julie and I still wonder what he meant exactly when he said, "Garlic bread or German girl?" Did he mean that eating was more important to him? Maybe because he is Italian, he loves bread? Did he mean that he couldn't possibly pay a visit to the German girl's bed because he ate garlic? We couldn't figure it out, but that was his most exciting story after traveling the globe for nearly four years. So boring. After eating the garlic bread, he said he knocked out and fell asleep on the kitchen floor. He never did find out who the garlic bread belonged to, and in the morning, he ate two pineapples with the German girl. It wasn't until the end that he shared he was on a pineapple farm. Any way, this guy's story became the running joke for the rest of our trip. In an attempt to imitate his very Italian accent, we repeated his story to everyone we met. If you, the reader, and I ever meet in person, ask me to tell you this story because it's humor is lost without mimicking his accent.

I dedicate this entry to Julissa Cruz, "Garlic bread or German girl?" and to the many adventures we have yet to fulfill together (on pineapple farms)! Cheers!

Back in the Cold

Just two days ago I woke up in a hut on the beach. Today, it is snowing outside, and I can't wear enough clothes to stay warm. In Bangkok, I wore SPF 50+ EVERY DAY and I still got a tan. Here, my hands are starting to itch from the dry weather. I am so ready to move to a warmer climate.

I made it back safely to the states, and alas, my adventures in Southeast Asia are complete...for now. I decided I am going back soon. I am not sure when, but it will happen within the next few years. First, I have to go back to Railay and complete the climb that I was too afraid to conquer. Second, I have to dive. I may save that for Australia, but I have to dive. Third, Koh Lanta was the most amazing beach ever, and until I find a better beach, I want to back there.

I am not sad that I am back in the states. The trip really isn't over for me because I can go back whenever I want. At least in my head I can. It was absolutely amazing. And that's all for now. Bye-bye.

Chicago Bound - Good Bye BKK

It's time. I am heading back the states, but I am not sad. I am grateful for the wonderful opportunity to travel and live out one of my dreams. I am in Carla's apartment in Bangkok and packing up my stuff. I arrived with one suitcase and I am leaving with three. HA! I'm going to miss Bangkok shopping. Funny enough, I am in BKK alone. Liza and Carla are back in Chicago for the holidays and Julie is still prancing around in Koh Lanta. But it feels great. I have gotten to know the city well enough that I am running around like a mad women with t-minus 10 hours until take-off. I'm not sleeping tonight. Once I'm done packing, it's off to Cheap Charlie's for one last beer, some night market shopping, street food and a train ride to see my pals, Nida, Lu and their brand new baby, Cat.

Thank you Bangkok for a wonderful adventure. I am so lucky because I found a wonderful family in Bangkok. Thanks Liza, Fede, Ron, Shirley, Krystal, Nida, Lu and Cat for being my BKK familia. Most of all, thank you Carli for your unconditional friendship. I love you.

See you later Bangkok. Chicago, here I come!

Boat Hopping Adventure

Julissa and I had done a fairly good job at communicating throughout our trip, but for me, the day after our rock climbing adventure was the day we were finally in sync. We got up fairly early that morning, but it turned out that it wasn't early enough. Koh Jum was the next island on our itinerary, but by the time we went to book our boat ride, we learned that we had missed the boat by an hour. The travel agent we were talking to was very unhelpful, and even rude. And the travel tours she was offering were extremely expensive. Julissa and I walked away thinking since we missed all the boats leaving Railay, then we should at least get breakfast and then decide what to do. On our way to getting our banana shakes, we ran into Chris O'Donnell. Not the famous Chris O'Donnell, but the Australian we had met at a bar two nights before. He was one of our dancing partners that night and also happened to be climbing at the same rock the day before. I think Chris was our lucky charm, because he was talking to another travel agent, who not only gave us a discount on our boat tickets, but also set us straight on the different boat schedules on Railay. We had fifteen minutes to get to the bay where the boat was waiting and we ran with our bags like there was no tomorrow. We ended up buying a boat ride to Koh Lanta and skipped on Koh Jum because Lanta was cheaper, closer and easier to get to.

On our way to the boat, Julissa made a detour to find an ATM. When I arrived at the boats I began to ask for the Lanta longtail. Almost simultaneously, about ten people said, "Oh, Lanta left. No more boats to Lanta." A bit shocked, I asked "What do you mean Lanta left. How could it have left. We have tickets and we were told it left at 10:45 not at 10:40!" The woman in charge of loading passengers on the longtail boats was furious and yelling at me as if it was my fault that we bought our tickets at 10:30am and were told the boat left at 10:45am. Well, obviously, we DID just by the tickets. The poor travel agent by Chris O'Donnell probably didn't inform them we were coming so they took off early. The ten or so tourists that informed the longtail to Lanta had just left were getting on to a boat headed for Phuket. The lady proceeded to shove me on to the Phuket longtail with an even angrier boat captain on board. Julissa was no where in sight, and all the Phuket tourists were on board, not so patiently waiting for Julie and me. I was almost laughing inside, but mostly freaking out because there was no Julie, the ticket lady is yelling at me, and the boat captain's eyes were searing into me. Seconds later, I see Julissa strolling down the beach. I cupped my hands to my mouth and yelled as loud as I could, "Julissa, hurry up, the boat is leaving!" I wanted to yell much more because I feeling pretty tense inside, but what I shouted out loud was enough because Julissa's long half-marathon legs sprang into action and she sprinted to the boat faster and funnier than I could have imagined. I told her to throw me her bag, which she did mid sprint. I threw her stuff and mine into the boat, told her to take off her shoes, and pulled her on to the longtail so fast and hard she nearly jumped over me. I had no idea where we were going, but we were on a boat and that was good enough. All of this happened in span of four minutes, but it felt so very long.

Again, we didn't know where we were headed, but about ten minutes later, we joined up with another longtail. It turned out that the ticket lady had arranged for us to jump from the Phuket longtail to the Lanta longtail. Pretty clever for the angry ticket lady, but I am sure this wasn't the first time some crazy chicas showed up late for their boat ride. At this point, we still weren't sure of what was going on, but all we knew is that we were on a boat going somewhere, and that was good enough. I began to film our departure from Railay and as I did so, it seemed like we were about to crash into a huge ferry boat. One of the ferry boat guys jumped on to our longtail and began to remove our bags. Julissa's was on top and she freaked out, began to yell, "Don't take my bag!" What we didn't realize was that we were shifting from the longtail to the ferry. This was not clear to us until every one of the longtail passengers had joined the ferry and we were left alone with our bags on the boat. It was quite funny. We joined the ferry and found a nice cozy spot on the ledge of the boat. The four hour ferry ride was very relaxing and we topped it off with yummy spicy ramen noodle soup from a cup. We still hadn't had breakfast at this point and we were very hungry. Julissa and I were elated when we found out there was food in the passenger cabin below. Spicy ramen, Baked Lays and Oreos made for the perfect brunch in the middle of the ocean on our boat hopping adventure.

As I re-read this entry, I can't help but laugh out loud and smile at the mess we got ourselves into. We had a blast traveling from Railay to Lanta. Today, as I sit cozily indoors, avoiding the snow blizzard outside, I ache to sit on the ferry with my feet dangling from ledge, feeling the salt water spray my legs, face and hair. Thank you Railay. Thank you Lanta. Thank you angry ticket lady. And of course, the company made the entire experience memorable...

View Point Climb and Tonsai

Our rock climbing day was the most active day of our trip. In my last entry I wrote quite a bit about that experience, but the day was jammed packed with other fun adventures, including a vertical climb to one of the most scenic and highest parts of Railay.

After climbing we settled into a hearty lunch beach side and enjoyed a yummy fruit shake to celebrate a great morning climb. Julissa and I kept it hard core and continued our trekking adventures after lunch. The View Point was next on our list. We were not sure what the view point was, but we overheard a few travelers talking about it and we decided to explore for ourselves. In order to get to the view point we were told we would need proper walking shoes and should expect a 30 minute hike. On our way to the view point, we ran into one of the party goers from the night before and he requested that Julissa and I give him proper dancing lessons. Apparently, he enjoyed our performance from the night before, but I digress.

We expected to hike and possibly do some a bit of climbing, but we did not expect to do a vertical climb without a harness or rope. When we arrived at the foot of the mountain, Julissa and I looked up at the steep trail leading up to the view point, took a deep breath, and started to climb. The climb was steep. Had it not been for our climb earlier that morning, I do not think I would have had the courage to make the trek. It was literally straight up, muddy, and seemed nearly impossible to me. It was also bad for Julissa because of her fear of heights. Lots of people were climbing, so we weren't the only crazy tourists. The whole point of the climb was to have a view of Railay from up top. Julissa and I had not realized that we were climbing the other side of the mountain that we scaled earlier that morning, which ended up being pretty neat. The view was breathtaking. The sky was blue, we could see the white beaches and crystal clear water from above, and different, vibrant shades of green covered the rest of Railay. When we made it to the view point, Julissa commented aloud, "I wonder how many babies were conceived up here." The views are quite spectacular and I am sure they have inspired the making of many Railay babies.

On the way down from the view point, if you head deeper into the mountain, you come across a lagoon that is also part of the view point excursion. The trek is deeper into the mountain and is a vertical climb down. We did completed about half the climb when we stopped. A couple of travelers told us the lagoon was muddy and not worth the trek. Julissa and still had yet to find the hidden beach and make the trek to Tonsai beach, so we opted to end our view point adventure early.

On our descend, I spotted a nice rock to sit on and I asked Julissa if she would go ahead with out me while I took a moment to meditate. It was magical. I sat on the rock with my toes digging into the ground for nearly 30 minutes and I offered my gratitude to the universe for the most wonderful three months of my life. It was as if all the experiences came together in that moment and filled me with light and love. I felt so much love and gratitude for the people I met during my travels, for the old friends with whom I was able to share new memories and for the teaching moments and lessons that I will carry with me always.

When hiking, I have no problem climbing up, but coming down has always been a challenge. The descend from the view point was terrifying. When I looked down, it was as if I was just staring straight down into the ground from several hundreds of feet up in the air. The easiest way to climb down was sitting on my bum, sliding down one step at a time. I just washed the shorts I wore that day and it took lots of scrubbing to remove the red clay dirt stains. I have never been afraid of heights, but this was scary. It took twice as long for me to come down from the view point. When I finally reached the bottom, I felt a huge sense of relief and accomplishment. I also found Julissa chatting it up with some Italian traveler named, but you will have to read about him on the entry "Garlic Bread or German Girl." The traveler led us to the hidden beach we had been searching for and it was worth the wait. The scenes from the movie "The Beach" do not compare to seeing it in real life. We laid out for about an hours and then hiked back to our huts to get ready for the evening adventures.

The Italian was staying on Tonsai Beach, which happened to be where Julissa and I had planned on going for the evening. You can get to Tonsai either by walking across the pointy rocks that connect Railay and Tonsai when the tide is low, or by longtail boat. We made the trek with the Italian as the sun was setting. It was spectacular. The rays were vibrant shades of purple, pink, orange and red. The trek over the rocks was slightly painful, challenging and potentially dangerous. It became dark very fast and it was difficult to see where we were stepping. Once we arrived to Tonsai, however, it was like landing in a completely different world. The distance between Railay and Tonsai on the beach side can not be more than a few kilometers, but there is a big difference between the two beaches. Tonsai was totally chilled out. It looked like a village of hippie travelers. We stayed for dinner and hung out with the Italian and his other Italian Rasta friend, but they were boring. Julissa and I fell asleep at a bar in two separate hammocks, while they tried to show off to the other girls that were actually paying attention to their shenanigans. Once we came to, and realized that we were bored, we let the Rasta Italian know we were leaving for the night. Although Julissa found him to be very strange, he was nice enough to walk us to the beach to find a longtail. It was high tide and with no flash light, there was no way Julie and I were walking back to our huts through the jungle.

When we got to the beach, the longtail guys were charging us 500 Thai baht to cross over to Railay. Usually, a ride is 100 baht, but since we were only two passengers and it was late at night, the price went up. I could sense Julissa's freak out sensors begin to activate as I tried my best to negotiate the price. Ten minutes passed and we spotted a boat coming in to the opposite side of the bay. Julissa and I ran to the longtail and asked them to take us to Railay. After negotiating the price to 200 baht, we jumped on the longtail and enjoyed a delightful boat ride under the stars and moon. We laughed at how boring the guys were...especially since they put us to sleep at a bar of all places! And we laughed at the prospect of getting stuck on Tonsai for the night.

Once we docked in Railay, we could not resist a late night snack and enjoyed a very delicious naan with nutella and banana. I really want to learn how to make naan...it's so yummy!

So this was a brief summary of our longest day in Railay. It began with rock climbing, trekking up to the view point, a scary descend, hidden beach, sunset trek, two silly Italian boys and a very good job at hustling our way home on the longtail. Thanks Railay and Tonsai for the great memories!

Climbing Rocks, Conquering Fears

I did not anticipate being afraid of climbing rocks. I jumped out of a plane in September to celebrate Julissa's birthday, and even though I was not super hyped up about rock climbing, I figured it would not be as scary - it was much more terrifying. On Friday, December 18, 2009, I conquered one of my biggest fears and learned a very valuable lesson.

The night before our climb, Julissa and I enjoyed a fun night of dancing to and performing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies" at a little island bar. You can read more about that night in the previous entry. Considering that we spotted signs of daylight as we made it back to our little hut in the jungle, Julissa and I woke up just in time for our 9am climb. We even had time for a super delish banana shake for breakfast. We did not have time for a more hearty breakfast, but later we were thankful that our stomachs were not full because I think we would have chucked our entire meal during the climb.

Our guide, Ram, hooked us up with all the necessary climbing gear, including shoes, harness and chalk bag. Did you know that climbing shoes should be considerably snug, even a whole size smaller than your regular shoe size? Once we had been suited up, we made the trek to our first rock. I am almost certain that one of our climbs was on the Muai Thai/123 wall on Tonsai beach. We didn't exactly get the details of the rocks, such as the names. Later I learned from my rock climbing friends, Nida and Lu, that you should know the names of the rocks you climb. Lu says that that's what climbers do - talk about the rocks and other climber "stuff." What I do know is that the 123 wall was packed with first time climbers. It was quite exciting seeing so many people going up and down vertical rocks. I felt quite outdoorsy with my harness and snug shoes while surrounded by climbers.

Never before I had thought of rock climbing as something I would do. Five years ago I worked at a gym with an indoor wall, but I never made it to the beginners class. And yet, I made it to Railay, a climbers nirvana according to Nida and Lu. As we walked to the wall, I told Julie, "You know, I'm not really excited about climbing, but I figure since we are in Railay, I might as well do it." I am glad I did.

Our first wall was a baby wall. Julissa went up first. It looked tough, but from ground level I could see the various nooks where I she could place her feet and hands. Based on what I saw, I tried to remember the nooks and mentally planned my climb. Once I was on the rock, I realized how tough it really was to see the nooks. Everything in front of me looked flat, no nooks, nowhere to go. Fear set in. It was the baby rock, and I was scared. I was thinking, "These people must be crazy trying to climb some rocks. I don't climb rocks. What am I doing!" But I kept at it. We were with a nine year old boy that completed the climb in five minutes. I tried to keep that in mind. I made it to the top of the baby rock and came down. My legs, arms and hands were shaking. My heart was pounding. All I wanted was a cigarette. Note, I did not have one, so please, no lectures. But I was definitely shaken. From there, we were off to climb #2.

This climb was a bit difficult. Ram, our guide, had to hoist us up a bit because this side of rock protruded out, maybe six feet or so and the climb began about five feet off the ground. Julie went first again. As she went up, fear began to set its nasty little claws deeper into my psyche. I could see her struggle. When Julie is nervous or a bit scared, she laughs. She laughed quite a bit during her climb. I do not laugh. When it was my turn to climb the wall, I panicked. I walked to wall, looked up and thought, "How am I going to do this?" My mind went blank, but not in a good way, in a paralyzing way. I am good in high stress situations and react in very a appropriate, direct and safe way. I have been in situations before where my mind goes blank, but it does so in order to clear out the white noise so I can see exactly what I am supposed to do. In this case, I could not see or think anything. I could not see any nooks to place my hands and I could not find where to put my feet. I just saw a flat vertical rock and fear painted my mind red. That was all I saw, heard, smelled and touched. Ram hoisted me up to the rock by pushing my bottom with his two hands, and as he did so, all I could think was, "NO." I placed my hands and feet into the nooks that he instructed, but I could not move. If he let me go, I would not fall or hurt myself because I was only five feet off the ground, but my awareness was tainted and I could not move. I did not trust Ram. I did not trust myself and I did not trust the equipment. It was as if nothing else existed except the fear I felt at that moment. Ram thought I was joking and kept instructing me on how to make the climb. I tried. I tried my hardest, but I could not do it. I could not see anything but fear. I panicked and I came down.

Julissa, Ram, the nine year old boy and his mom seemed startled and a bit sad for me. My determination to get down was stronger than my determination to climb. Although they did not seem convinced, I said to them, "Really, I am OK." For me, the problem with that climb was that it was painful. The rocks were cutting into my hands. I was bumping my knees into the rocks trying to get a grip. It was painful and I do not like pain. As I was struggling to climb, I had a brief thought that helped me decide - I do not like pain and I will not inflict pain on myself. Once I knew I was not going to climb and knew that my only task was to convince Ram of my decision, the red started to clear away. I came down and felt good. I hadn't yet decided that I would never climb again, although I was headed in that direction. I was slightly embarrassed, but my sense of relief was greater. Everyone was quiet and did not know what to say. Strangely enough, I was in higher spirits than before we started the first climb.

Slowly, as we walked to our third climb, I began to see how this experience was very much like an example of how I have lived some moments of my life. Although I think through things and plan to some extent, I usually thrust myself into new experiences. I have become OK with jumping into new things because I have learned that no matter how much I plan, I really have no idea what something is like until I do it. I am able to make the first leap because I trust myself, but sometimes, fear takes over. It has done so in different situations throughout my life, and although I do not consider myself a quitter and I am good at finishing what I have started, fear has undoubtedly been an obstacle. I have known this for some time, but this climb cemented what I have slowly been learning - I need to trust myself more and trust that all situations will always work out as they should. I realized that all I had to do was trust Ram, trust the equipment, see the rock before me and trust my ability to climb. I felt good about being able to say "no" and coming down when I knew it did not feel right, but I could not leave Railay with out completing a proper climb.

As we approached the third climb, I took all the energy I had within to clear my mind of that red, panicky fear. I began to gently coax myself into a climb. I knew I wasn't going to die during the climb, or fall to the ground, and the third worst thing that could happen already had...I had stopped mid-climb. So on this third climb, I went first and I made it to the top. It was tough. It took all I had. I could feel my body making the climb on its own. I had a great cheering section below that guided me all the way up. It was awesome. I looked down at one point, and THAT was scary. I had no idea I had gone so far up. After that, I only looked up, straight ahead or to the side. Before I came down, I forced myself to look at the scenery. It was nearly terrifying, but worth every anxiety ridden second. My goodness, the view took my breath away. All I could see was crystal clear blue and green water surrounded by a white sandy beach, vibrantly green trees and huge, magnificent rocks. I was on one of those rocks and I could not believe it. I made the climb. I conquered my fear and I did it intentionally. I did it with determination. I did it by trusting myself, trusting Ram and trusting the experience.

We completed the fourth and final climb, which was more challenging than the third. I was happy our half day climbing trek was over, but as we left the rocks I realized that rock climbing is definitely something I will continue doing. It is an amazing experience that teaches you how to trust yourself and trust the experience. It's only you and that rock. That's it. The climb was also the best climax to my Southeast Asia adventures. I had conquered my fear and I knew that it took that second wall to really understand the lesson that life has been trying to teach me for some time now. I know I can walk away when necessary, and I have learned how to say "no", but now I am ready to say "yes" to life and I trust myself more today than ever before. Life is good my friends, and I am so happy I get to live mine.